remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
