He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
