I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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