Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
