my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
