the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
