I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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