GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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