my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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