I wish they made helmets for livers.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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