I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
try to milk me bitch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
