you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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