Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
