I am puke
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
