My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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