I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
