AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
