id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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