What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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