It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You ruined the universe
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
