I feel like abortions should bother me more
He uses pillows to masturbate.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
