He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
