Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
