Ambien. No doubt about it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
