Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
