apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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