i jhust puked up my retainher.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
