Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
