We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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