he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
