ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
