90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
