I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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