If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
