I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i now understand why vodka
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
