Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
