He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
