I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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