my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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