My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
