I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
