I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
