Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I could have mohawked her pubes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
