Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
