I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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