she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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