So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
