I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
