I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
