Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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