you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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