My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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