my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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