If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
