You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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