I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
